Surviving & Thriving on an imaginary budget
Dear Friends,
This might be a lengthy read, so consider grabbing a cup of warmth, finding a cozy seat, and settling in...
Recently, I received a text message—a response to my spoken prayer. A friend suggested this blog post topic, an exploration of survival and thriving on an imaginary budget. It felt like a God nudge, a call to share not only practical tips but also the authenticity of navigating life's challenges with faith and resilience.
In the midst of life's challenges, I intentionally wrap myself in a garment of praise and invite you into my "Living Library of GOD stories," where the extraordinary unfolds amid the ordinary—a testament to the ever-present grace weaving through our lives.
Let’s start with this: You Are Not Alone
In a world where problems often hide behind anonymous posts, shrouded in potential judgment and shame, I want you to know that your situation, though not ideal, is not abnormal. It is temporary. It will not last forever, and you possess the strength to overcome this chapter. I speak with conviction because I've been there, weeping, pleading for a chapter to end, longing to break free.
I promise you—God is in the details, orchestrating support even in the seemingly mundane.
My Personal Testimony: A Journey Through the Storm
In some of my life's most challenging moments, a mountain of difficulties came crashing down. We had just separated with a 5-day eviction notice looming over us, and my car decided to call it quits. It felt like an overwhelming cascade of problems. To add to the complexity, I was pregnant and jobless, with only modest earnings from babysitting. In response to this dire situation, I took decisive action.
I sold everything I could—our bedroom set, our nice living room furniture, our office furniture, toys the kids didn't use, and even clothes they had outgrown-which I sold to Once Upon a Child. If it wasn't an absolute necessity, it found a new home through Facebook Marketplace.
These sales provided just enough funds: the first month's rent, a negotiated deposit, the necessary car repairs, and three interview outfits contributed by my mom. At the same time, I approached social services with humility, armed with written statements from those I babysat for, detailing my income. While awaiting food assistance approval, they provided a food box—an experience that left me humbled yet grateful.
I found solace in the essentials—a room for my kid (I kept her things), a mattress for me- even if it was on the floor, a roof above our heads, and a functional car. Job hunting became a priority. In one memorable interview, I braved it in heels—yes, pregnant and in heels—nearly tripping down the stairs. I didn’t get that job either. Despite the setback, the next job interview, in flats this time, answered my prayer, and they hired me. The new job, offering minimum wage with early hours, presented its own challenges. One morning even demanded a 5 am start, a logistical nightmare for finding available daycare. Thankfully, a few friends graciously allowed me to drop my daughter off at their place before school. Waking her at 4 am was heartbreaking, but it was a sacrifice I made to keep things going.
Outside my job, I continued babysitting during evenings and weekends, finding a way to earn while still being present for my daughter. It was a delicate balancing act, but somehow, I made ends meet, and when I didn’t, God did. I recall days when my sweet neighbor, Ms. Betty, handed me an envelope, saying, "God told me you needed this." It was the exact amount I was short for rent due the next day. Another time, my mom's friend came to her, saying, "I got a bonus and wanted to donate it to your daughter. Can I have her address?" Once I got a speeding ticket on the way to a baby appointment at UVA; I was high risk after just having a miscarriage a few months before. My mom had earned a gift card with the sign-up for one of her utilities in just the amount of the ticket. These were moments when I had no idea where the money would come from, but I had faith that it would, continuously providing us with a roof over our heads, lights, food, and basic needs. When Evan was born with an airway defect, I couldn’t return to work. He needed monitoring 24/7. I had been in a car accident some years prior that finally settled, and the payout was just enough to cover us for a few months, alongside a tax return. Things were tight, but we made it.
Later, as funds were running out, I made the decision to resume providing in-home daycare. Prayers were answered with families I came to love. They became an integral part of my family, and I of theirs, as I cared for their little ones. They brought me flowers on Valentine's Day, joined us in holiday celebrations, and amidst the struggle, there was an abundance of joy. During the holidays, someone put my kids on a Christmas list, and they showed up at the door with boxes containing jackets, boots, and more. A friend went to Goodwill and dropped off the most adorable outfits for my daughter—she had boys and told me she loved shopping for my girl. Another friend showed up with a gift card and beef from her family’s farm. Another time, a friend invited me over for coffee and a catch-up, and she had a few bags of groceries gathered for me to take home. I never asked these people for anything; I talked with God, in my War Room, a seemingly empty closet, and the prayers one by one were answered-and this isn’t even half of it.
Looking back on this time and others, yes, I wanted to break free. But now, it’s kind of like a Cinderella fairy tale with magic pixie dust sent from our creator—a true princess rocking the crown. I recently told my husband, that given all that I know now about the hard, I’d still walk through it to be where we are today. Every trial, every tear, and every prayer was a step toward the ball where the grandeur of life unfolded. With each challenge, I wasn't losing a slipper; I was finding strength, resilience, and a deeper relationship with my Father. I emerged from the storm not just surviving but adorned with the beauty of newfound wisdom and an unshakeable belief in brighter days ahead. This transformation was especially meaningful for me as I didn't have a great relationship with my birth father, who went to prison when I was 18. Discovering a profound connection with my Heavenly Father became a source of solace and empowerment, reshaping my perspective on challenges.
Here are some Tips for the Trenches—Steps Toward a Way Out
Utilities and Payment Plans:
Communication is key when facing financial challenges. Reach out to utility providers early, explaining your situation and discussing payment plans. Prioritize settling past-due amounts to maintain essential services. Collaborate with providers to manage current bills, and explore budget plans for stability. For instance, I still have my electric bill on a monthly payment plan for effective budgeting.
Lowering Bills:
Conduct a thorough audit of your monthly expenses to identify areas for cost-cutting. Consider removing services like cable and internet. Seek alternatives such as utilizing the library, friends' homes, or cafes for internet access. Trim unnecessary subscriptions and opt for occasional low-cost entertainment like $1 Redbox movies or borrowed DVDs/VHS tapes. Yes, I really watched VHS!
Transportation:
Reduce gas costs by carpooling, or having kids take the bus. Leverage available support, like family members assisting with transportation to appointments, saving both on gas and providing emotional support. My mother-in-law was an angel who carried my son and me to most of our medical appointments when my car was on its last leg.
Financial Assistance:
Explore temporary financial assistance programs during challenging times. Apply for WIC, Food Stamps, Daycare Assistance, Transportation Assistance, and more. For additional resources in Central Virginia, you can check this website.
Grocery Shopping on a Budget:
Make informed decisions about grocery shopping by planning meals, creating lists, and sticking to them. Collaborate with friends to buy groceries in bulk, sharing costs and resources. Take advantage of sales, discounts, and coupons. Plan meal preparation nights with friends to create cost-effective freezer meals. I did this with my friends Rachel and Katie. We danced, laughed, and cooked. It brought joy amid our struggles.
Some of my favorite budget-friendly meals are spaghetti, tacos, homemade chicken noodle soup, or even simple pb and j with carrots and an apple. They are still some of my favs today. Sam’s Club also has the best rotisserie chicken!
Medical Expenses:
Manage medical expenses by inquiring about generic prescriptions and exploring free or low-cost clinics. Investigate financial-based care options or apply for Medicaid.
Networking for Opportunities:
Do you have a talent or a creative skill? Whether it's offering singing telegram services, providing childcare, walking dogs, crafting hand-knit scarves, or exploring other unique abilities, these can serve as potential side gigs. Personally, I discovered the world of network marketing, and it became a significant advantage in overcoming my challenging situation. I'm not here to recruit you, but I believe that individuals driven for change are the most resourceful in making necessary sacrifices when they're determined to break free from being stuck. In my case, this mindset shift got me off food assistance, replaced my income, and provided the precious gift of spending more time as a mom—a much-needed break after years of hard work. It also allowed me to trade in my Maxima for a Cadillac.
Savings and Emergency Fund:
Initiate a small savings fund by parting with unused items. Remember my selling of all the unnecessary things? Do it. You can replace them later. The roof over your head, the light and heat, the food in your home, and the gas in your car—those are priorities. Gradually work toward building an emergency fund for unexpected expenses.
Financial Counseling:
Seek advice from financial counselors and consider options like debt consolidation loans to streamline payments and reduce stress.
Community Resources:
Stay informed about available community resources, such as food, clothing, and diaper pantries. Churches in the area may also prepare meals weekly. For additional resources in Central Virginia, you can check this website.
Education and Training:
Tap into free educational resources and explore potential scholarships for personal and professional development. This is something I didn't do during my tough time, but I have friends who did, and they're now thriving!
Maintaining Connection with Your Children:
Despite working multiple jobs, find creative ways to connect with your kids. Utilize car time for meaningful conversations, leave notes in their lunchboxes, and add personal touches, like cutting the crust off their sandwiches. Consider maintaining a journal where you can write back and forth, especially if you're working early or late hours. Remind them that the current situation is temporary.
Additionally, tap into available resources for support beyond the family. Counseling services can offer a safe space for both you and your children to navigate challenges and emotions. Explore opportunities like the Big Brother Big Sister program, where they can find mentorship and guidance from positive role models. If you're part of a church community, inquire about youth groups that provide a supportive environment for your kids. Building connections outside the immediate family can contribute to a network of care and understanding.
Support Groups:
Navigating through challenging times can be immensely eased with the support of others who've walked similar paths.
DivorceCare offers a community where you can find healing and support after separation or divorce.
Celebrate Recovery provides a safe space to find community and freedom from the issues that may be controlling your life. My dear friend Debbie O'Brien is the VA State Rep, and she can help you find a group in your area. (She’s been there in the trenches too and prayed over this blog post with me last night.)
Helping Others in Tight Times:
In moments of heaviness and the desire to give back, consider babysitting for a friend or sharing an extra meal with a widowed or elderly neighbor down the street. You might not be able to feed an entire family, but that extra slice of meatloaf and scoop of potatoes can go a long way, feeding their heart and stomach. Offer clothes and toys to others—remember, we're not defined by our circumstances; we're cherished and supported. Brighter days are ahead, and you can still help others while receiving the support you need.
I leave you with this:
Facing financial challenges is a journey, not a destination. Navigating the trenches, whatever they may be for you, is undeniably tough. But amidst it all, remember that true contentment isn't found in a dream home or financial abundance. Joy is waiting for you right where you are—in the small victories: the car that's still running, the friend offering a helping hand, and the unexpected gifts from a caring community. Embrace the richness in these moments; they transcend the difficulties. And never forget, reaching out for support is not a sign of weakness; it's a testament to your strength and resilience.
A piece of advice: In moments when your heart might be tempted to harden, allow it to stay soft and open. Remember my first blog post? I shared how I filled my husband's empty closet with prayer during our separation. All that emptiness—let Him fill it! He's waiting for you to let Him in! You can do this! I believe in you! Don't let today's bump in the road handicap you.
Much love, Jayna
