Celebrating 11 Years: A Journey of Love, Repair, and Exciting New Chapters
Tomorrow marks our 11th anniversary, a milestone that resonates with love, repair, and the anticipation of exciting new chapters.
Recently, a new friend inquired about the reconciliation of my marriage, and my response was simple: Ultimately, God played a pivotal role, but it was also about working on myself, impatiently waiting and praying, never losing hope, and believing in the miracle to come.
Working on Myself:
Self-reflection, healing, and creating change became my daily companions during the separation. Alone, I decided to fill my husband's empty closet with prayer. Though Zack thinks hiding out in a closet is a bit peculiar, that uninterrupted, intentional time with Jesus taught me invaluable lessons.
In that prayer closet, I poured out my heart, wrote down my prayers, and noted how they were answered, providing me with hope. A journal became a nightly brain dump, offering a space for racing thoughts to go and making room for peace, joy, and contentment in the hard times. It also helped me process feelings in a healthy way and provided material for discussions with my counselor.
Remembering the advice, "You will want to be writing down (to remember) the things that God will start revealing to you," I documented my journey, finding encouragement and praise for answered prayers in God's timing.
Finding Support:
There's a time to do the work and a time to rest. Friends wrote verses on index cards, offering encouragement and strength. Another friend helped me discern the voice of God, spoke truth into my life, and encouraged patience. I cried—sometimes at the foot of the cross in my mind—and felt the load lifting as I drifted off to sleep.
Body movement became a form of release. I turned on music and danced, sometimes to Jesus, sometimes to the jams I grew up with (because that's when hip hop was good), finding release and happiness in a simple dance party. Walks with my kids also became moments of healing.
The Whole Big To Do, Ta Done!
Crafting a "To Do, Ta Done list" became a source of joy and gratitude in my life. This list wasn't just about ticking off major tasks; it celebrated the significance of seemingly small achievements, like brushing my hair or donning matching socks. By highlighting these everyday accomplishments as non-negotiables, the list encouraged me to break down larger tasks into more manageable steps. In doing so, I discovered the beauty of celebrating the little moments, realizing they were the building blocks of conquering the BIG!
Community:
Friends who showed up on birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays, along with church support from Celebrate Recovery and Life’s Healing Choices, helped me navigate grief.
Rebuilding:
Unpacking bags of bitterness, hatred, and anger created space for forgiveness, friendship, and the rediscovery of love. As my husband started showing up, taking time to rebuild trust and our friendship, I had space to let him in. He brought dinner, helped with meals, we went on walks, and he even fixed my car to prevent repair bills. Together, we BOTH did the work and rediscovered love in a deeper way than ever before.
Looking to the Future:
Navigating this new season as our BIGS venture into college brings a refreshing perspective to our marriage. While we're not yet empty nesters with Evan still at home, we've found new ways to spend our time together. On evenings when I've missed Hailey, Zack and I have played simple Battleship matches. (Those who know us well will giggle remembering our hilarious Scrabble matches. This is so US!) The weekends once consumed by band competitions have transformed into excursions to Natural Bridge, cavern explorations, and leisurely Sunday breakfasts. Turns out, those prayers I whispered in that closet, were answered.
In a candid moment with Zack, I couldn’t help but chuckle as I confessed, “It's strange to be so happy. I'm not sure I know how to do happy.” He is my absolute best friend, bringing laughter into every single day. So here I am, raising a cheer to the complicated moments that led to strengthened bonds—an unspoken pact to face life's hurdles together.
And to Zack Fielder, I love you All the Way, the Whole BIG Thing—an immeasurable amount. I pledge to continue loving you most on the days when, perhaps, I may like you the least (although lately, I like you the MOST—keep it up! Haha). What we have is undeniably good and worth every moment! As we celebrate 11 years, here's to countless pages ahead filled with laughter and love! Cheers to all the years of our lives! Cheese and all!
Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Romans 12:12